I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
