so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
