um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need to align my fucking chakras
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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