Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
