Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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