The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
