In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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