Soap is not a condiment
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
