I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
