Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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