elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
