He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
