a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
