My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
