dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
