got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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