Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
