Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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