you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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