I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude i'm inner monologue high
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
