he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
