i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
