I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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