What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
