She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
