You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
