is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I understand Curling. That high.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
