omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
whose parrot is this?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
