I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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