Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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