how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
