ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
