And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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