I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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