I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
