im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
