Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
