Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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