How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
