okay pat passed out under dana's car
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She even gives head with a lisp.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
