scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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