I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
