This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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