I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
