I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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