Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
