sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
