The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
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Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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