when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
People with herpes should wear stickers.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
