ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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