our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
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I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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