so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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