Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
