You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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