im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
