Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
