i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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