My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize