I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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