I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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