I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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