im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
