Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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